Too Much Information

2 09 2016

I signed up for a Shopper’s Drug Mart Optimum card, because you really can save a lot points to spend later, at their store, based on the fact that you shopped there before.

They don’t just hand these things out to anyone, you understand? They only give them to repeat shoppers. You get rewarded for shopping there, beyond just the daily great savings.

You get further savings based on a points system. You collect points to spend later against further purchases.

I’m still trying to work out the formula to determine the break­even point, but suffice it to say, there will be immense savings at some point in the future.

When I filled out the personal information section of my Optimum Card registration form I used false information, as I always do when I fill these things out.

Name, date of birth, gender, email address,… These are personal details that are frankly none of Shopper’s Drug Mart Optimum Card Loyalty Program’s business.

Normally it’s not a big deal because I usually give a fake email address, but this time I provided my real address, but all the other details were fake. So now my mailbox is filling up with sales and promotions emails for a sixty­seven year old woman named Doreen.

This didn’t happen right away. It took a couple of months before I started receiving emails and by the time they started coming in, I’d completely forgotten about it.

So I was a little surprised when I started getting these emails that started with, “Doreen: We think you’ll love these savings! ”

I was confused at first but then I finally remembered that I’m Doreen. And it seems Doreen has smoker’s cough. And incontinence. She may require adult diapers.

I’m starting to get a little worried about Doreen.

Even though Doreen is fictional, I still feel like I shouldn’t be reading her email. This is a lot of very personal information about someone I’ve never even met.

It just doesn’t seem right. I made up Doreen to avoid giving away any personal information about myself, and now I’m getting very personal information about someone I made up in order to avoid getting too personal.

The worst part is, Shopper’s Drug Mart thinks Doreen is a real person. And now I’m wondering if they’re worried about her too. Should I call them and let them know that Doreen is a figment of my imagination? Or will I just be letting them down?

It gets even worse.

I’ve been reading about the recent Supreme Court decision to allow assisted suicide. And I’m torn about it because now that I know I have the power to end Doreen’s life, I’m not sure I can make that decision for her.

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